Scared of the Dentist? Here's What Most People Get Wrong: Dr. Abinaash Kaur, Toronto
Last Tuesday. A patient sits down who hasn't seen a dentist since 2017. She apologizes three times before I've picked up a mirror. "Don't." That's what I say to almost everyone who walks in like that. We start from today, not from 2017.
A few weeks back, a man in his fifties came in who hadn't been to a dentist in over a decade. He sat down, looked at the ceiling, and said, "Just tell me how bad it is." We didn't start there. We started with a conversation about what had kept him away. After 25 years on Annette Street, that visit isn't unusual. It's most weeks.
So what do those patients have in common? It isn't worry about their teeth. It's the fear of how I'll react when I open their mouth.
I won't sigh or shake my head, and I'm not going to lecture you. That isn't how I practise.
I'm Dr. Abinaash Kaur, B.Sc., DDS, MFT. I grew up in Scarborough, finished high school in Markham in the nineties, and trained at the University of Toronto Faculty of Dentistry. I've been on Annette Street in Bloor West Village since 2001. If you're carrying anxiety about coming back, this is for you.
How Many Canadians Are Actually Scared of the Dentist?
The numbers matter.
A national survey of 1,101 Canadians found more than 15 percent of adults are somewhat or significantly afraid of dental treatment. A 2021 systematic review in PubMed put clinical dental phobia at 5 to 10 percent of adults. Another 20 to 30 percent have anxiety serious enough that it affects whether they seek care at all.
That's a lot of us.
You're not weird for feeling this. You're quietly part of a very large group of Canadians who share this fear.
What's the Real Fear Here?
This is the part most dental websites get wrong.
Long-term avoiders rarely fear the drill itself. They fear me. They fear what I'll think when I look at their teeth and react.
A 2004 study in BMC Psychiatry looked at 130 patients with phobic dental anxiety. Embarrassment, not pain, was the most commonly reported reason for avoiding care. More than half of long-term avoiders couldn't smile or laugh fully in social situations. The prospect of being seen by a dentist still felt worse than the daily withdrawal.
Your teeth aren't a report card on what kind of person you are. They're bone and enamel. They reflect your genes, your water supply, your dental coverage, and the years you were paying off school or raising kids or just surviving.
What gives? Life gave.
I'm a dentist, not a judge. Whatever state your mouth is in, we can work with it.
What Happens at Your First Visit?
The unknown makes anxiety worse.
You call our front desk or you book online. If you mention you're anxious when you book, please do. It changes how we set up your visit.
We schedule a longer first appointment so I'm not pressed for time. You don't sit in a busy waiting room. You come in, get settled, we talk before any instruments come out.
I want to know what's happened to you before, what worries you, and what would help you feel safer. Some folks want a hand signal so they can stop me without trying to talk through a mouth mirror. Others want me to call out every step before I do it: "I'm picking up the explorer now, you'll feel a tap." Music helps a lot of patients. Eyes closed works too. We figure out your version on day one.
Then I do a careful exam and take the X-rays we need. I'll tell you honestly what I see, in terms of solutions, not verdicts. For many patients, that's the whole first visit. Nothing has to be fixed today.
How Does My Team Handle Nervous Patients?
After 25 years of treating anxious patients in this neighbourhood, here is what works.
Transparent communication. I narrate before I act. If something might cause discomfort, you hear that beforehand. No surprises.
Your control, always. If you raise your hand, I stop. Not "give me one more second." Full stop.
Pacing the appointment. Very anxious patients sometimes book shorter sessions so the exposure is smaller. We build from there.
A team that's been with me for years. Our hygienists and front-desk staff aren't temps. They know our long-term anxious patients by name. They know who needs a soft hello and who needs to be left alone in the chair for two minutes before we start.
That continuity matters in a community practice like ours. Families in Bloor West Village, Baby Point, and the Junction have been coming here for generations.
Wait, What If Talking Doesn't Cut It? Your Sedation Options
For patients whose anxiety isn't going to be solved by conversation alone, there are clinical options that can change the experience entirely.
Nitrous oxide (laughing gas). This is what we use most often. A small mask sits over your nose. Within a few minutes you feel a warm, floating calm. You stay fully conscious. You can respond, raise your hand, ask questions. The edge of anxiety just softens.
Within minutes of removing the mask, it wears off. You can drive home. Both the Canadian Dental Association and the American Dental Association recognize nitrous oxide as appropriate for most adults and older children, with a safety record going back more than a century.
Oral conscious sedation. For more significant anxiety, we discuss a small pill (commonly a benzodiazepine such as triazolam) taken before your appointment. You stay conscious and can communicate, but most patients remember very little of the visit. You'll need someone to drive you home.
IV sedation or general anaesthesia. For severe phobia, IV sedation or general anaesthesia are available through referral to a specialist. These are appropriate for patients who genuinely cannot tolerate treatment while conscious.
We choose the right option together at your first visit. The goal is for you to feel safe, not for me to push any single approach.
What Do Patients Actually Ask Me?
These come from my chair, plus questions I've seen on Reddit and dental forums where patients write more honestly than they ever would in person.
"I haven't been to the dentist in over five years. Am I going to get a lecture?"
No. A lecture accomplishes nothing except making you feel worse. My job is to assess where things are and help you decide what's next. We start from today, not from where you should be.
"What if my teeth are in really bad shape? Will you be shocked?"
Since 2001. Seriously. After 25 years on Annette Street I'm pretty much un-shockable. I'll tell you what I see, what it means, and what your options look like. That's the whole job.
"Does laughing gas actually work for serious anxiety, or only mild nervousness?"
It works across a meaningful range. It won't put you to sleep, but it takes a visit that would have been unbearable and makes it manageable. For severe anxiety, oral sedation is stronger. We pick based on what you actually need.
"I cried at my last dental appointment. Is that normal?"
Completely. I have had patients cry in the chair and apologize for it. Please don't apologize. Crying tells me something I need to know.
"How long can I put it off before something becomes an emergency?"
Every situation is different. Problems that are manageable today become harder to treat over time. Coming in, even scared, even after years away, is never the wrong call.
"I'm embarrassed about what I've let happen. What do I do?"
You come in. I'm not going to confirm the story you've been telling yourself about your teeth. I'm going to help you make a plan. That's the only thing I'm here for.
How Do You Start When You're This Scared?
If you've been putting off care because of anxiety, here is the smallest version of the first step.
You don't have to book a full appointment. Call us, tell us you're nervous, and we'll figure out the right pace together.
If money is part of what's keeping you away (and for a lot of patients it is, especially since the pandemic), we can talk about that openly. We handle direct billing for most major Canadian insurance plans, and we put any treatment estimates in writing before work begins. No surprise bills.
Bloor West Village families from Baby Point, Roncesvalles, the Junction, and West Toronto have been coming here for generations. We aren't a high-volume clinic. We have the time for you.
Every time someone walks back in after years away? Truly humbling...
The Village Dentist. 750 Annette Street, Toronto. (416) 760-0404
Frequently Asked Questions
Compiled by Marianne, lead patient coordinator at The Village Dentist. Marianne handles new-patient questions every day. This list covers what comes up most often, with links to more information where helpful.
